Dear todaysgist reader,
I am a young mother of three. Unfortunately, my children’s father and I are not together.
The guy I’m dating I’ve know for about 7 years now. We’ve been just friends for the last 5 years. Shortly after we met in 2006, he moved to Florida. We stayed in touch and he became one of my best friends.
We wouldn’t talk every single day, but whenever we did talk we spoke about any and everything. He knows things about me that no one else knows. While he was in Florida he got married. At first he stated his marriage was solely to get his “papers” because he was an immigrant. As time passed he and the young lady dated and fell in love. So, now they are married for love, “supposedly.”
Fast forward….they’ve now been married a couple of years and we are still in touch.
He finally got around to filing for his stuff and now has his “stuff.” The relationship started to wither between the two of them, and after having enough he decided to move back to New York.
Upon him moving back to New York we started talking a little more than before. I was single and while he was still legally married, he was “single” as well. It wasn’t long before we started dating.
But, what was once never an issue for me is now becoming my very harsh reality. He says he is still legally married because he hasn’t yet filed for his citizenship (he only has green card status), and as soon as he completes that then he will get a divorce. He lives in his “wife’s” parent’s home in New York and she (the wife) pops in and out of New York without my knowledge of her ever being here.
It is now almost two years and absolutely no change has been made.
We’re still dating and I use the term “dating” very loosely, for we only go out if I ask him to accompany me to the movies or dinner or something and I foot the bill. It has been many nights he’s unreachable without any reason at all, besides maybe he fell asleep or he forgot his phone in his car.
He doesn’t want to get married again and he doesn’t wants to have kids with me. So he’s still legally married, living in his “in-laws” house and no signs of anything changing, anytime soon. I want more.
I want to get married because I’ve never been before. I also would like to have more kids because I never had a great experience being pregnant. Am I being naive? Am I wrong because I knew of his situation before our relationship got personal? Should I walk away or stick around and see if things are going to change once he gets his citizenship in order?
