I Might Still Marry A Younger Man – Ex-Pastor, Queen Ure

Yea, that's what former pastor-turned singer, Queen Ure, said in a recent interview with Punch.

She doesn't mind and she's not afraid to say it despite her failed marriage with ex-husband Soul E, who is more than 10 years younger than her.

Here is the interview. She also talks about the collapse of her church and her alleged affair with her producer, Dude Tetsola. Enjoy.

How has it been all this while?

Things have been great. I launched my album, Porpori, last year. I have become a professional singer. Music has always been a part of me and I knew there would come a time that I would go fully into it. I think that time has come. My video has been on air for a while.

Was it your quest for something new that made you open a church some time ago?

Oh no. Ministry is a part of me. I am a natural uplifter. I am a natural speaker. I have been a church goer most of my life. I was into church when I was in secondary school. That was why I became the Chapel Prefect in my school – Federal Government Girls College, Owerri. This is not a new thing.

But you are no longer a pastor…

No, I am no longer a pastor. But that doesn’t take away the fact that I still reach out. Ministry is all about reaching out, whether you are on the pulpit, whether you are singing, as long as you are reaching out.

So what happened to the church?

I am not a pastor any more so the congregation is no longer there. I was away most of the time in 2011, and I handed the ministry to someone else. You know how it is, if it is not the founder, it is really not the founder. There were some challenges and they couldn’t continue. When I returned, I knew it wasn’t something I wanted to continue and I decided to let it be and move into my music career...

URE AND HER EX HUSBAND SOUL E

Was that why you married the singer, Soul E, who was more than 10 years your junior?

I don’t even want to talk about it. We broke up in 2008. This is 2013. I don’t know why people keep going back to it.

There is no way your name will be mentioned and Soul E will not come into it. Remember nobody really believed that the marriage would work out…(cuts in) Honestly, I really do not want to talk about it. It has been a long time. I am facing my music. I can’t keep going back to Soul E.

But so many people could not understand why you got into the marriage…

Well, it was because he professed so much love for me. It is true. It wasn’t something that came from me. He kept confessing undying love. People kept asking him if he knew what he was doing. Well, since I wasn’t in any serious relationship and this person claimed that he loved me, I decided to give it a shot.

Were his feelings returned? Did you love him as well?

I loved him, the feelings were returned. He was the one that walked away. I gave it my best but he chose to walk away. You are not going to tie somebody and tell him he must stay with you, not at all. I am not someone who will make so much effort to tell somebody who wants to go away to stay back. I don’t even think I will do that. If anybody wants to walk away, you let the person go.

If Soul E had eventually come back, would you have taken him back?

Soul E is married. But even at that, I doubt if I would have taken him back.

But there is Dude Tetsola now and he is a young singer as well. Some people are already saying that you are in a relationship since both of you are always together.

Dude produced two of the songs in my album. We worked together and we decided to collaborate in the songs. If you listen to him, you will find out that he is a talented guy. He added some colour to the album. We work together, he is my colleague and he is a fantastic person. He is my friend...

There is always a stigma attached to a divorcee, doesn’t it bother you?

No way. It doesn’t bother me in any way. I am happy. I am glad about life. I am well and I am pursuing my dream. Things are working well for me and I am healthy. I have reasons to thank God. For some time now, nobody has said anything about me. There has been calm because there is no relationship to talk about. My parents know the kind of industry I am into. They love me. I am their last child and their only female. They want me happy. Oh yes, they want me to be happily married with children. I do want that as well. I am still hopeful.

You have not ruled it out?

Why will I rule it out? Love is a part of life. It will happen on you. It is not something you look for. You don’t go about looking for love, just live your life happily and it will come when it will come.

So are you in any relationship now?

I am not planning any wedding at the moment.

That wasn’t the question…

But that is the reason people get into a relationship. But I am not in a relationship. I am not planning any marriage soon.

Some people get into relationship because they want companions…

My platonic friends are okay for me. They are my companions.

Some people need somebody they can cuddle and make love to at night…

I agree with you. It is necessary. But you can also get to a point where you can be happy with your life when there is nobody to cuddle and just look forward to having somebody to cuddle. Right now, I can cuddle my pillow. My pillow is there for me. Is it not better to cuddle the person who will be there forever than to cuddle somebody who after a while, you will look by your side and the person is no more there? I am taking my time.

Will you marry somebody that is younger than you again?

I can still marry somebody that I am older than. Age is not a major criterion. The important things are sincerity, honesty and integrity. Love can fling you in any direction. If it is somebody who is much older, then so be it. If it is somebody who is my age, it is okay. And if it is somebody who is much younger than me, I am open to life.

Wouldn’t you have any reservation marrying somebody younger than you again?

I don’t live in the past and I don’t let the past control my thinking. What I will look out for are integrity and sincerity. I was deeply hurt by what happened in my past marriage but I got over it. I am not somebody who wallows in something negative. You get hurt but you clean up yourself and move on. It takes some people years and months to move on. If you will eventually get over something, why don’t you just do it immediately and move on?

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Ladies, Here’s How You Deal With A Man Who Has Trust Issues

Here’s a very large notable difference between dating a woman with trust issues and dating a man with trust issues: Typically, dating a woman with trust issues will lead to non-stop annoyance and frustration, constantly having to answer questions that you don’t want to and engage in arguments that aren’t even anger-worthy. It gets frustrating constantly having to reassure her you’re committed and equally frustrating having to always prove your character just because she dated a DOUCHE in the past who acted the damn fool. But, typically, dealing with a man with trust issues is EXPONENTIALLY more dangerous to a woman’s mental, emotional and physical health.

In our modern western society, there are three types of grown-ass adults you will run into on the dating scene: 1) The Trusting [unfortunately a very small percentage], (2) The Realist [a weird combination of pessimism and optimism] and (3) The insecure, distrusting Lunatic. As much as we all would like to be in a relationship with The Trusting person who gives us all benefit of the doubt until we prove we don’t deserve it, the fact is many of us don’t deserve to date that person, because so many of us are NOT that person our damn selves.

But what you don’t want to do is confuse The Realist and The Lunatic, because they are very different in their own ways despite the few similarities. See, The Realist is the person who doesn’t overcommit in one way or the other, because they know and understand the reality of cheating, so they hope for the best but prepare for the worst. The Lunatic, on the other hand, is incredibly insane because they really feel like they can CONTROL the cheating from ever happening [where The Realist resigns themselves to the fact it can happen no matter what they do], but even worse, people with trust issues are severely unequipped with dealing with the mere IDEA that cheating is going on – and when MEN act like this to their women, they can be EXTREMELY VOLATILE.

So, ladies, do NOT try and put up with men with trust issues – just RUN – and here’s a few reasons WHY:

When Dating A Man With Trust Issues, You Are ONE Step Away From Getting Your ASS Beat

Insecure men are not good at handling emotional pain and mental disappointment. When a man gets his heart broken by finding out HIS woman let another man slide between her thighs, it leaves him emotionally destroyed – and the worst part about being wrecked that way is there is NO real way to return the pain in-kind. These men become insecure and when YOUR happy ass comes strolling along full of sunshine, flowers and lollipops and lures his heart into the zone he thought he would never go again [LOVE] he will go CRAZY at the idea you may be cheating. And that pain and disrespect that he CANNOT return in-kind emotionally, will become something he will want to return PHYSICALLY with his wannabe Anderson Silva punk-ass.

When Dating A Man With Trust Issues, Understand He Is Not OVER or PAST His Ex

I wrote THIS article on this site a while back to explain how someone’s feeling for their ex can affect their current relationship EVEN if they no longer want to be with that person anymore. Ladies, a man with severe trust issues has NOT let go of his past and there’s not a DAMN thing you can do to help him. You can be as loyal and as faithful as you want, but he will ALWAYS feel like you are up to something. You can spend 23 hours in one day with him and spend 1 hour going to Shoppers Drug Mart or Walgreens to buy condoms for HIM to use on YOU, and he will STILL want to check your phone like “so….who keeps texting you?!”

When Dating A Man With Trust Issues, Accept That He’s PROBABLY Cheating On You RIGHT NOW

Here’s the funniest thing about dudes with trust issues and insecurities: Even though he has NOT caught you in the act, the mere fact that he has allowed crazy ideas of infidelity to infiltrate his mind has given him JUST CAUSE to go out and get NEW NANI. This is his method of self-defence for his potentially shattered-ego: ‘Show that b*tch that I can get some ratchet p*ssy too!’ In fact, here’s ANOTHER funny thing about dudes with trust issues: Some dudes who CONSTANTLY cheat on their women [regardless of whether they thought she was cheating or not] will start to not trust their girl simply because THEY are doing wrong sh*t.

But the main take away from all of this boils down to one simple ideology: You can NOT change a man with trust issues no matter HOW “good” you act. Some men will eventually grow out of it and some won’t, but your best bet is waiting to see how he turns out – just NOT together.

This Is Your Conscience

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MEN ARE AFTER ME BECAUSE OF MY B***BS

I seems something is wrong with my love life. I believe I'm a caring and loving person but most men who come into my life are only interested in having s**x with me and dumping.

 In a space of 12 months (that is one year) I've date about four guys and I think every one of them was attracted to me not because they truly love me but because of the over-bloated size of my b***bs. 

 Agreed my boobs are quite obvious and could be embarrassing, especially when I put on skimpy tops but am I the only woman with BIG b***bs?

 I even decided in the past not to sleep with any man before marriage but that didn't work as most guys are never patient when it comes to issues of s**x. 

 Please what can I do to shift men attention from my b***bs to my personality? I really need a positive clue because am not getting any younger. 

 With love from Ebere. 

Thanks!

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The Girlfriend Test; If She Doesn’t Pass Give Her The Boot!

The Girlfriend Test; If She Doesn’t Pass Give Her The Boot!

THE TRAIT: Responsibility

THE TEST: play the blame game. Next time she rear-ends someone during rush hour, listen to her post-game analysis. “Successful couples focus on positives,” says Dr Scott Haltzman, a psychiatrist and the author of The Secrets of Happily Married Men. “Is she the eternal victim? Or does she accept responsibility?”

THE TRAIT: Flexibility

THE TEST: cook dinner at her place. If she’s a control freak in her kitchen, she’ll have a hard time letting you take the reins elsewhere in life. Even if she’s a gourmet, she should still accept your different way of chopping carrots, reveals Pat Love, author of The Truth About Love.



THE TRAIT: Patience

THE TEST: talk about work. The time she made an intern cry may make you laugh, but that attitude won’t stay in cubicle land. “If she rips into a co-worker for no reason, watch out. It shows what she’s like under pressure,” warns Dr John Van Epp, creator of the “How to Avoid Marrying a Jerk” program (

THE TRAIT: Empathy

THE TEST: take her shopping. Malls are buffets of human interaction – peeved customers, airhead shop assistants, mums with kids, all begging for vitriolic commentary. “You want to see empathy for the stressed and clueless. If she thinks most solutions are clear-cut, expect the same absolutism with you,” cautions Haltzman.

THE TRAIT: Adaptability

THE TEST: make last-minute plans. Sure, you’d planned a chick flick, but the only film not sold out is Scary Movie 19. Relationships change, so see if she can roll with it. Another time, show up 15 minutes late. If things like that set her off, “she’ll have no problem finding ways that you disappoint her”, explains Haltzman.

THE TRAIT: Confidence

THE TEST: remove the spotlight. Take her to a party, then watch her mingle. Does she seek male attention? Could be needy. Dodges women? Not good: women “deliver necessary honesty” to other women, says Love. Also, she knows that your female friends will offer a realistic review of her. Talking with them shows balls.

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SHOULD A WOMAN CHANGE HER NUMBER AFTER MARRIAGE??

Am Just getting Curious about this. Women,when they are still spinsters must have given their numbers out to some intending suitors or stalkers at that time. 

I have seen a lot of broken homes all because the woman receives calls from some men and Ex-boyfriends who the husband seems not to be familiar with.

 There is also this issue of longtime stalkers who may continually call,quite ignorantly,that the lady in question is married.. 

There is this case of my newly married neigbour. Accusations of infidelity was alleged by the husband after 3weeks because the wife started receiving love sms from a former toaster who never knew of her new marital status.. Now my question is:

 Should Women Change their Phone Numbers After Marriage?

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Hot Topic: How Far Would You Go To Keep Your Man?(A MUST READ)

Men are hard to find, a good man…even harder. At least that’s what we women have been made to believe over the years. As soon as you find that man who ticks most or all of your boxes, you got to keep that dude on lock down or risk him being snatched from under your finely manicured finger nails.

 Plus we women pour out a lot into our significant others, we build them up when the world try’s to take them apart, we make sure we create enough stability at home so they have the confidence to stand tall among their peers and we try our hardest to help him dust off those bad habits. Eventually, we turn him into the man of our dreams, or at least we try to.

 Therefore you can imagine that the thought of another women walking away with our trophy man, after we’ve spent years painstakingly building him up, is a bit too much for most women to bear. Perhaps, this is what US First Lady, Michelle Obama was thinking recently. 

In April, the National Enquirer alleged in that Mrs Obama had banned both actresses Scarlett Johansson and Kerry Washington from the White House because they were ‘too flirty’ with the President. The tabloid also suggested that the First Lady has a ‘watch list’ of women that were to be kept away from her 50-year-old tall, dark and handsome husband. 

 Naturally, the White House has dismissed these claims as ‘completely false’ but can you blame her if it was true? Who would want to go down in the history books as being the first African American 1st Lady to have a Monica Lewinsky episode…or to have her husband stolen from her right there in the White House….err no thank you! 

 Mrs Obama and the validity of these rumors, aside, I’ve heard of many women who have gone to great lengths to keep women away from their husbands. Different strategies, from threatening suspected women to even having them beat up. I remember a while ago a friend of mine got slapped at a party by her colleague’s wife. 

The wife, who was 5months pregnant, at the time, had seen a picture of my friend hugging her husband and feared the worst. Her plan had been to threaten my friend with some harsh words but things turned ugly when my friend tried to walk away, Madame pulled her back by her hair and gave her a good smack across the face. 

Off course, it was left to me and a few other friends to tear both women apart, as the man in contention had suddenly disappeared. Although I can’t completely vouch for my friend, I do wonder if the wife’s slapping actions were entirely appropriate. Many have argued that if a man wants to stay with you, he will. If he doesn’t, it doesn’t matter how many women you slap, threaten or beat up, he’ll still get up one day and not come back. 

Plus, if any woman feels the need to ban, beat or provide any kind of embargo within her relationship, perhaps that suggests that there might be other issues she needs to deal with first? Or am I approaching this from the wrong angle? Do men need protecting? Do we as their girlfriends/wives have the responsibility to protect them from other women? If that’s the case, how far will you go to keep your man?

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“True Love Doesn’t Care If You’re In A Relationship! He’s Fair Game Until I See A Ring”

You know how they say they’re more women than men in the world… Some people have used this statistical imbalance as a valid justification for polygamy and keeping your options open. Whether this is right or wrong is open to a whole lot of discussion and analysis. The dynamics of how these things work are however, very interesting.

 Last week, my friend told me of how her mother had sent a message to another mother saying “Sister, has Akin introduced any girl to you? Our Dolapo is single and even though they call us old fashioned, this is how things were done back in the day.” She said she asked her Mum what the plan was if Akin actually had a girl… her mother’s reply was “Then, he will decide which of you he wants” The fact that he probably was dating someone wasn’t important to the woman. 

I remember thinking… two mothers somewhere are scheming the ousting of one poor girl from the safety net of her relationship. I saw the picture of one hot chocolatey looking delight of a man on my friend’s Blackberry display picture… I asked if the guy was single and that’s how the matter became long… What do I mean by single? Ehn now… is he married? or dating anybody? 

My friend says, he’s not married sha but I don’t know if he’s seeing anybody *insert pause* then he adds…SERIOUSLY! So I ask my friend to ask the guy if he’s seeing anybody, seriously or otherwise and the silly guy asked to see my picture! I mean, how hard is it for you to tell if you have a significant other? 

It’s either a yes or a no, whether I’m beauty or the beast, shouldn’t matter, unless of course, he’s up to some mischief… Or so I thought, until my cousin said “No oh! It’s not simple like that oh! He’s fair game until I see a ring.” I’ve heard guys also say that the fact that a babe is dating someone doesn’t mean they can’t “enter set” and toast then, date the babe. Besides, you can’t let the presence of one pesky boyfriend who doesn’t have game mess up your runs.

 Babes who go all in and fight for what they want are hailed as Spartans! Besides, there are more women than men and since we’re in this really tight feeding trough, we all have to work for what we can get. For all you know, your ”perfect” man might just be in the arms of the “wrong” woman. What do you guys think?

 Is everyone fair game until they’re married? How much commitment does a guy need to make to his girlfriend before other girls would know to stay at bay? Do you guys agree with this tweet I saw this morning? “True love doesn’t care if you are in a relationship“

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7 Signs Your Marriage Is Heading For Disaster

As Chris and I approach our 16th wedding anniversary, I think about what we have learned together through our own experiences and from other people’s mistakes, both observing and counselling hundreds of couples going through some problem in their marriage. My goal here is simply to post warning signs along Marriage Road, so that if you see them on your marriage journey, you know you need to do something about it or maybe even get help.

This list is by no means exhaustive but I would rank each of these seven signs very high on any such list. Ready? Here we go:

1. Crisis in the bedroom department. By far top of the list, a couple’s intimate life acts as the thermometer of their marriage. When a couple no longer or rarely comes together physically, they are leaving a wide open door for other problems. To be ‘one’, husband and wife must keep the bedroom temperature high. The keywords are frequency, selflessness, and quality.

2. You’re not each other’s best friend. Husband and wife must be able to talk to each other just about anything. No secrets. A best friend is someone you can confide in, is not judgmental, and whose company you enjoy. You laugh together. You know everything about each other. Unfortunately, some couples hold themselves back from each other and don’t involve one another in their life. The result? Strangers sharing the same house.

3. Your best friend is another woman (man). As a married person, if you keep a close friend of the opposite s*x other than your spouse, you’re asking for trouble. Not only trouble in the sense that you will be tempted but also because you will provoke your spouse’s jealousy. Want a friend? Read number two again.

4. Problems linger unresolved. There’s a golden rule that my wife and I set for ourselves early in our marriage: We will not sleep until we have talked AND RESOLVED any issues between us. A problem unresolved is a problem evolved. It will come back to bite you later, with a vengeance. Why wait? Nip it in the bud, get it over with.

5. You’ve lost respect for each other. When you no longer care what the other person feels or thinks, you’re going down a very dangerous road. Call me old-fashioned, but I have noticed marriages are healthier when the wife lets the husband lead, be the head of the house, and when the husband cares for his wife more than he cares for himself.

6. You’re putting yourself first. What’s the first thing couples do when they get a divorce? Fight over who is going to keep what. In other words, see how they can get as much as possible from the other. If that is what happens in a divorce, the opposite must happen in a marriage. It’s not what you can get from your spouse, but what you can give him/her. If you normally think about pleasing yourself first, you are not in a marriage relationship.

7. You don’t want to listen. Experts say that effective communication is 80% listening and 20% speaking. The reasoning behind it is that we can’t really say anything meaningful until we have listened to and understood the other person. In no other situation is this truer than in marriage. You can’t have a relationship without communication. And you can’t have proper communication without listening – a lot. Somehow I think God had that in mind when He gave us two ears but only one mouth.

Make no mistake, marriage is a difficult thing. But it is only difficult because people are difficult. If you try to fix the other person, you’ll make it worse. You can only change yourself, not others.

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I Dislike Guys After Sleeping With Them

Hello todaysgist,

I appreciate your providing an opportunity for us to anonymously tell the world what we cant tell our friends. 

Please I need an honest solution. The first issue is I don’t know how to love, I am perfect at pretending so most times my partner never finds out. 

Secondly, I have always been scared of marriage and being someone who thinks deeply, I realize after having s*x with a particular guy for a while I begin to dislike him and I get bored with the relationship even when such guy loves me with his life. 

It is an unconscious thing on my part and has led me to thinking that if I get married I will begin to hate or get bored with my spouse after a while. 

I am in my late 20s and a graduate and please I really love s*x but I don’t know why I behave like this and as a result I have broken off many relationship. 

Unfortunately I am a type of lady that always has guys flocking around her and also good on bed that even when I try to make the guy not have s*x with him as to avoid hating him, he will pester me or rape. Help please!

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REAL STORY: My cousin stole my man and it’s their wedding today, what do I do?(A MUST READ)

My name is Ibinabo Francis, I am 26 years old. I am really confused, angry and feel utterly betrayed by my cousin and ex-boyfriend. It all started 7 years ago, I had just relocated from Port Harcourt to Lagos to attend university. I met this really charming guy at my uncle’s wedding. I was in the bridal train and he was my uncle’s best man. We got talking and you can say that something special sparked off between us.

 People at the wedding joked that we should also get married as we looked good together. Our relationship was a beautiful one. I was so in love with Opala so much so that I would lie to my father to collect money so I can give to Opala who was at the time having some financial difficulties. Two years into the relationship, things started picking up for Opala but by this time, he had started behaving funny. 

I couldn’t explain it but I knew something was terribly wrong and so I tried talking to him about it but he would always assure me that all was well. Continue from the cut... How was I to know that my boyfriend and my first cousin were sleeping together? Sorry I didn’t tell you before now but my cousin kiki was also in the bridal train of my uncle’s wedding. I noticed she wasn’t happy that Opala and I had struck it off but I didn’t give it much thought. Maybe if I did I would have prevented what is about happening today. Kiki had always been jealous of me. From when we were children, she felt she was in competition with me. She would always say she is more beautiful than me and would always want everything I had.

 At first it stated with toys as children and when we became teenagers it was clothes and friends. Any dress I had, she has to have it and God help me if it was an outing dress then my cousin would wear hers at home just to spite me. I don’t even want to talk about the high school friends she took away from me. But when I realized this is who she is, I caught off from her or maybe I thought I did. Opala and I dated for 5 years, I gave him 5 years of my life, 5 years of faithfulness, 5 years of loving him but what did I get in return? He called off the relationship. And what was his excuse? He told me that we were not compatible. We are not compatible and we dated for 5 years? 

That night I cried, but I was too proud to beg him to stay with me. I was too proud to fight his simple waving off of 5 years of commitment on my part. I figured that if he didn’t want to be with me again then I can’t force it. Maybe what prepared me for this heartbreak was the fact that I had suspected that he was seeing someone else even though he had denied it severally. I tried to move on after Opala broke my heart but the hurt was too much that I couldn’t trust any other man. I was always suspicious of the men who came for me. My friends advised me to let go but I just couldn’t do it try as much as I did. Two months ago, a year after we went our separate ways, Opala called me.

 We hadn’t spoken since that day. He told me he had a confession to make, a confession that if he didn’t make will always hunt him. He said he wanted to make peace with me. Surprised, I said ok. Somehow, I knew it was related to the way he broke up with me but nothing prepared me for the bombshell he was about to drop. Opala told me that he had been sleeping with my cousin Kiki all along, he told me that all those times he acted up with me was because of her. He went ahead to tell me that he broke up with me in the manner he did because Kiki had given him an ultimatum. She wanted him to choose between us and since he was in love with her, he asked me for a breakup.

 I was too shocked for words that I didn’t hear him say they were getting married. It was not until he asked for my opinion on the impending marriage that I realized that he was planning on marrying her. He went on to say that if I didn’t want him to marry her then he won’t. Did I just hear you say how hypocritical? My thoughts exactly. Again, I was too shocked for words and all I could say was, Opala this is too much for one night, please let me think about all that you have told me. And then I ended the call. The next morning, reality hit home. It wasn’t a dream after all. Kiki had succeeded in taking what belonged to me.

 I remembered how she had this funny-mischievous smile on her face when she saw me at my grandmother’s funeral last year. I guess she must have been laughing at me. Now, today is their wedding and I have the good mind of going there to cause trouble. I have the good mind of going there to look the back-stabbing b***h in the face and cause her. I might even stand up and object to the marriage when the priest calls for it. This is because all the hurt has started coming back again. The pieces of the puzzle are just fitting in and I want to cut my own pound of flesh. So what do you think? I need your advice because I am already getting ready to leave for the wedding.

 P.S. This story was sent to this blogger and I really hope you guys can help advice Ibinabo. I don't know if my words to her are enough to help but maybe yours can, so let the comments roll. 

 Thanks all.

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